Letting go...fuck I'm a loser for being with one!

From: GG Sent: Wednesday, January 27, 2010 1:51 PM To: Me Subject: What in hel is your goal? What do you intend? what do you pretend? What do you seek? What do you aim for? Do you just always manipulate those you can? Do you destroy those you cannt? Do you feel happy with your self? Do you think you are always right? do you think everythings will be Ok? Do you think that you can hold me forever? Do you think you know it all? Do ever stop lying? do you ever give a straight answer? do you ever really care? do you? DO YOU? GSG-Marquez. My Response... What do you intend? For a better life for you, as you said you wanted. I intended to stay with you and help you overcome the issues you said were affecting your life. I intended to see the good in you, even after the bad side had already slapped me on the face a couple of times. what do you pretend? I pretend that there is good in everyone and that my past doesn’t affect my present. I pretended to be stupid and naïve in many ways, but I never pretended the love and care I had for you. I never pretended the tears I shed for you, the dreams I once shared with you. What do you seek? Success…respect…honesty…love…security. I seek to find someone who not only says sweet things to my ear but also believes in himself and makes them happen. I know, who I am and I have not come this far in life by manipulating or pretending or stepping on people…I’ve worked for it, I earned it. What do you aim for? For a life shared with someone who cares…someone who is not afraid of living life but at the same time, someone who doesn’t take things for granted. Someone who acknowledges my past and the consequences it has created in me. I have scars and just like you, in order to survive I had to play the game. Do you just always manipulate those you can? Manipulation is Shrewd or devious management, especially for one's own advantage. In 6 months what have I gained from you? By not letting you walk away from me why do I gain? By not letting you drink what do I gain? Nothing…the so called manipulation you think I was doing on you, was only going to benefit you…GED/License/Education/Not drinking/letting you use my car/my cell phone/put you under my health insurance/allow you to move in with me, even when you were a complete stranger, I trusted you with my life and everything that surrounded me. By taking you to expensive dinners, by going out dancing and drinking or shopping what do I gained from you? I invested my emotions, my love, my time, my money and everything else cause I loved you and wanted you to love me back. And it hurts to see a loved one give up on himself. Do you destroy those you cannt? I don’t destroy anyone, they do it for themselves. Do you feel happy with yourself? Yes…very much! Many people are good at pointing my flaws, what is wrong with me, but there is a greater crowd that appreciates the good I’ve done for them, even if it was a simple smile that made a huge difference in their day. I look at the many friends I have and that lets me know that I’ve done some good and that there is some good in me and that is the reason why I am loved by so many people, from all sorts of backgrounds and religions. People who saw me for me, regardless of my sexual identity. Do you think you are always right? Do you think you know it all? Far from it…I don’t have book knowledge, but experience knowledge. Books are not all, neither is experience…they go hand in hand, so no…I only know what life has taught me and believe me that’s not much. Do you think everythings will be Ok? Yes…whether we walk together in the same journey or we go our separate paths, we’ll be ok, we’ll make it ok. Do you think that you can hold me forever? It was never my intention to hold you forever! My intention was to share a love with you for a life time AND I based that intention on chats we had. I believe we belong together, but sometimes one might lose sight and it’s the other’s responsibility to bring them back on track. Again, I don’t want to hold you, all I wanted was to love you and show you how much you really meant to me. Do ever stop lying? Lies are part of human nature…for fear, custom, or who knows, no one is perfect…unfortunately, I’m a chameleon, and I blend with the situation and give back what is expected of me…but even a chameleon has it’s on tactics and ways of blending in. We all do! do you ever give a straight answer? Yes do you ever really care? do you? DO YOU? I’ve never cared for someone as much as I care for you. I never felt so attached yet so distant and insecure. But all my feelings for you were unique and real. What would I gain by playing with you? Sex? Money? Headaches? You became part of my life because I care! MGM