I've been feeling down for the last couple of days, partly due to the meds and party because I feel so alone when it comes to one subject...%$^%$#.I've tried to Cynthia but I feel that I will overwhelm her and then I'll be in serious trouble. I just dont understand how some people go around in the world without taking care of themselves and therefore put the rest of us, who trust them, in serious trouble. I feel as if he is back having the time of his life, not even knowing, or perhaps he does know and that's the root to all this mess.
I have never dislike someone as much as I dislike him...some small part in my heart still misses him, but for the most part, I just want to forget I ever met him. He is the first BF I feel like that towards. The more I look back at the past, the more I see it, the more it's rubbed on my face, the fact that there was never love, happinness, honesty, truthfulness, sincerity, respect or even attraction.
Even though he is the one who got kicked out, he feels as if he was stuck with me, it's like he feels he made the wrong choice and therefore got kicked out and he was to make me pay for it, perhaps because I asked him to stay with me on my birthday.
He was my first true love...a reason, a hope, a dream...a nightmare, a lie, a curse...a story!
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