Where do I go from here?

Two weeks have gone by ever since my now ex boyfriend, Gerardo, left. A mixed of emotions have arised in my heart along with the endless thoughts in my head. Now I can understand what my therapist told me before..."The longest mile people walk is the one between the heart and the mind" I feel so confused, as I've seen him in three different occasions, he looks happy and finally put together, or so I thought till I found out what he has been doing. I won't go into details here caused is not up to me to change his life, but makes me worry about him, on the other hand my mind keeps telling me that is who hes always been, and the person I fell in love was just another manipulation from him. I feel betrayed and I feel he doesn't even care,then if he doesn't care why did he kissed me the way he did the day he walked out on me? Why did he hugged me so tight that I could honestly feel he was hurting but he knew he had to go. He hesitated as he was leaving, as I stood there crying and trying to hold myself together, but the moment he left, I felt myself fall into pieces. Did he ever love me? Did he ever care about me? Was all a play? Did he mean everything he said? Or did my status afected him? I guess I will never find the answers to those and many other questions, as he refuses to speak to me or give me answers. This time, I wish I could go back, but unfortunately, it seems that I am alone in that thought. He has moved on and for what it seems, this friendship has been going on for quite some time. A lier? Then I guess he did lied about his feelings for me. A player? Did he played me becuased he needed a place to stay after Steve kicked him out? I feel as he was real when I met him, the look in his eyes tells me so, a look that has changed drastically to a meaner look. Everyone tells me to move on, that he is a looser, a lier, a druggie, a user and what not...but why does my heart keep holding on to him, as if I know the person now is not my Gerardo but a hurt person just wanting to scape reality as he has always done? I feel as he is giving up on himself thinking that noone cares, but I do care, or is this the real him, a self destroying person, with no goals or dreams, If that is the case then I was played, big time. Two weeks and I still feel his essesnce, his smell, his body, his breath, his smile, his touch and I can still hear the sound of his laugh, the way he talked to me when he opened up to me. I can still see his eyes the way they looked at me while dancing to Chayanne's. Why can't my heart let go? Why?